By WILLIAM LEDFORD
Where do I begin? There’s always so much to talk about and always so little space and time. I don’t know. Jussie Smolett? No. The Nike blowout and Zion Williamson? Nah, maybe. March Madness? UVA is boring so, again no. How about the Mueller Report? Gonna be on every channel until 2020, let’s not go there for long. I know, it’s time to elect a Principal Chef!
It’s time to think hard and decide who we want to run the EBCI. I have a suggestion. Instead of campaign business-as-usual…insults, character impugning, slander, libel, mud, promises that you can’t keep, glute-smooching…you know, the usual…let’s try something else. Maybe free solar panels for the elders so we can get off of the Duke grid. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Hopefully it’s not like the old days anymore, and I’ve seen it myself, where someone will drive people to the voting sites and back home again with the voter receiving a crispy 20 and a pint of rotgut. You’d have to bribe me with a little more than that. Maybe a Frank and a bag o’ bud. A lid. Anybody remember lids?
Zion Williamson, the one and done kid who played for the team from Duke, blew out a shoe against UNC. His big ol’ foot came all the way through the left side of the Nike Paul George model he was wearing and he strained a knee in the process. Paul George has a shoe model? Why? I kinda wondered if somewhere at a Nike factory in Asia, the little kid that assembled the shoes was taken out back and dealt with. Can anybody say, season sweep! 2 and 1 ain’t bad! Someone owes me something…again.
Tax Day is done! Did anybody get a memorable refund due to the Trump Tax Cuts? I sure didn’t. I didn’t get a bump in take home pay either. The National Deficit is astronomically massive now. Trump campaigned using the Obama deficit and said he’d clear it in 2 years, I suppose doubling the deficit is clearing it. Republicans are oddly silent about it, no more gnashing of teeth, pulling of hair and crying “Woe for the grandkids who have to pay for this”. The kids still do but it’s all good now. The GOP are such hypocrites.
OK, the shutdown is history. The entire Congress voted on a budget package. And…no money for a wall! So, Trump called a National Emergency to steal money for his wall from previously allocated funds! And Congress voted to throw out the emergency and Trump vetoed. And the Republicans knuckled under and didn’t overturn the veto! And now the courts will rule against the White House! And absolutely nothing has changed in Washington, DC. The elected GOP legislators are worrying about their jobs and are scared of Trump’s basket of deplorables and idiots. There is a disturbing trend in all of this. This President has told lie after lie, even in the face of him lying about his video-recorded lying and it seems that absolutely no one cares anymore. His supporters believe his lies because he’s told them that fact-checkers lie and so, either his supporters are just really, really stupid, or maybe they think that although Trump is sticking it to them, it’s OK because he’s sticking it to us too. Must be some good Kool-Aid in TrumpWorld.
The Mueller Report is out, some of it anyways. New AG William Barr showed that unlike ex-AG Jeff Sessions you actually need no self-respect to be AG of the US. Mueller issued a nearly 400 page document, Barr did a Campbell’s’ Soup job to it and condensed it to 4 pages of summary. He then put on a sham press conference where he performed a magnificent job of butt-kissing and stated that Trump acted criminally but “he was under stress and acted out”. Awww…Barr is so sweet. The report at face value states that Trump actively attempted to conspire and obstruct but for ex-WH staffers who refused to do his dirty work, he didn’t succeed in breaking the law. Oddly enough I really wanted Trump to succeed because HE IS PRESIDENT AND NEEDS TO ACT LIKE ONE. He can’t do it. Now I want him gone. Impeach!
Finally. I read somewhere that my buddy Joe left the paper again. It’s kinda like the little boy who won’t stop playing and starts a little side to side dance because, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go. Ah forsooth Joe, mayhap t’were so soon and ye departs anew. But, all is well, the Internets need bloggers and trolls too. Or maybe another YouTube star, spouting a little spoken word journalism for all, or one, to hear. Or, as the saying goes, don’t go away mad, just…I’ll miss ya. Ok, now that that’s over, who was it that left again?
And…it’s time for me to go, I dunno how much Rob will need to chop out to keep this a kid-friendly paper but it’ll probably be half-sized so, I’ll leave you with an original. If Batman wanted a sandwich instead of a sidekick it’d be Batman and Rueben. Laters.
Ledford is an EBCI tribal member currently residing in Albuquerque, N.M.