BROOKE BARRETT, LMCHC
By BROOKE BARRETT, LMCHC
Question: Every year, I am excited to set goals and want to do better for myself and my family. I start strong and then crash out quickly. Why does this happen and how can I keep my goals going?
Answer: Every January, we set goals with the best intentions…eating better, slowing down, saving money, and being more present. And by February, many of us are already wondering what went wrong.
The truth is: most resolutions fail not because we lack willpower, but because we ask too much of ourselves, too fast, with very little support. If you aren’t someone who easily gets up at 5 am, why would you expect yourself to change that overnight?
Here’s how to set realistic goals….and how to reassess the ones you’ve already made.
Step 1: Shrink the Goal
If your resolution feels heavy, vague, or overwhelming, it’s too big. Instead of:
“I’m going to get healthy”
Think
“I’ll take a 10-minute walk three days a week”
Goals should feel slightly challenging, not punishing. A good rule of thumb: you should be able to do it on your hardest day, not just your best one.
Step 2: Anchor It to Real Life
Ask yourself:
-When will this happen?
–Where will it fit in my actual schedule?
–What might realistically get in the way?
If a goal doesn’t account for your energy, responsibilities, or season of life, it’s not a motivation problem……it’s a planning problem. I told myself I was going to start learning how to make bread when I had a newborn at home. Plot twist, my bread still comes from Food Lion because I was not in a season of life to be juggling being a new parent and learning another new skill on top of that. Doesn’t mean I can never fulfil my dream of mastering the craft of “Brooke’s Breads”….just means this isn’t my season to do so. Think of this when creating your goals.
Step 3: Track Effort, Not Perfection
Progress isn’t about streaks or all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of asking, “Did I stick to it perfectly?” ask:
“Did I show up more than I did last month?”
“What did I learn about myself?”
Consistency grows from self-trust, not self-criticism. If you set yourself without flexibility, the first time you have to adapt to your new goal, it feels like failure instead of growth.
Step 4: Re-Evaluate Without Shame
If a resolution isn’t working, that doesn’t mean you failed. It means something needs adjusting.
Ask:
-Does this goal still matter to me?
-Is it aligned with my values….or with pressure?
-Do I need to scale it down, pause it, or let it go?
Letting go of a goal that no longer serves you is not quitting..
A Note on Growth and Toxic Positivity
Growth is important. Change can be healing. But we also live in a culture that tells us we should always be improving, optimizing, or fixing ourselves.
That’s where toxic positivity sneaks in….when gratitude is used to dismiss pain, or growth becomes a way to avoid honoring what already exists.
Sometimes the most meaningful resolution isn’t about becoming someone new but learning to notice and appreciate the life you’ve already worked hard to build.
Gratitude doesn’t mean settling. It means grounding. And from that grounded place, change when it’s needed becomes more sustainable, more compassionate, and more real.
If you’re struggling to keep your resolutions this year, consider this: maybe the goal isn’t to do more, but to be kinder to yourself while you do it.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein
Have a mental health or relationship question? Submit anonymously to Ask a Therapist at asktherapistbrooke@gmail.com. Your question might help others too.
**This column is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are in crisis, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider or dial 911
