By WILLIAM LEDFORD
Seems there’s never a dull moment these days. In Washington, DC, aka Trumpville, or the Trumpkin Patch, it’s become obvious that the circus ain’t gonna leave town until people actually realize the big orange guy really has no clue and even though somebody might be offering one, he ain’t listening. For his first six months, there’s not a week that has gone by without something happening, and it seems to be always negative but he wants everyone to ignore that and concentrate on his accomplishments. Those total zero by the way.
On the other hand, it’s finally quiet at home, maybe good, maybe not so good. No news ain’t necessarily a good thing. Seems that my offer to stand in as acting Vice Chief was totally ignored, but I’m ok, outta sight, outta mind I guess.
On the personal front, something that needed doing has finally been done. The trash has finally been taken out. Family joke there. I’m sorry that I let it accumulate for so long. But, far more important than all of that is my young nephew danced at the powwow. Ok, with him being a way small toddler he actually napped at the powwow because grand entry, both, are his nap time(s). But, he was out there. Now, it’s time for my youngest grandson to get out there with him next year and shake some tail feathers. Guys, are ya listenin’?
I was recently back in the homeland for a short visit. The visit was both happy (a family re-union) and sad (the passing of my auntie), and semi-satisfying as a long-festering situation was finally resolved. I was once asked by a member of another tribal nation, “How long does it take to have a non-Indian removed from a home on the Eastern Cherokee Rez?” The answer, for us anyway, was nearly a year…or was it over a year…I forget. And, it almost came down to a visit to the Swain County Magistrate’s Office. Imagine, we nearly had to file charges off the Rez to have a non-Indian removed from the Rez. This after rulings from Tribal Council and Tribal Court and conversations with Tribal Magistrate. The whole thing was confusing, frustrating, and very nearly impossible. Remember the old Saturday Night Live skit with Belushi and Ackroyd called “The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave”? Described this situation perfectly.
For the second time, both while driving back to New Mexico in a rental vehicle and wearing New Mexico license plates, I was stopped by the Tennessee State Police, aka the Drug Task Force. He said I was speeding, I may have been. I had cruise control set to 70mph in a 70mph zone and the truck, a Dodge 1500 with the Bighorn package sporting a 5.7 Hemi, was accelerating up a slight incline so maybe I was going 72. But, to me I was stopped for DWR (Driving While Red, yeah, we’re redskins again it seems). He asked the usual questions. Was I carrying large amounts of cash? (I nearly LOL’ed being a po’ Cherokee with 25 bucks in my wallet.) Was I carrying automatic weapons? (Nope, too old, Tadalfil don’t work no mo’ so I don’t even have a semi-automatic weapon. Yeah, ya’ll know what I mean.) And…was I carrying large amounts of marijuana, heroin, cocaine or meth? (Again I nearly LOL’ed ‘cause based on news reports, Albuquerque has plenty of those and don’t need none brought in by us.)
There’s a lady on a commercial for the genealogy research site Ancestry.com that postulates that by using the service she discovered that she is 26 percent Native. Two things strike me here. One, usually, always, Native blood is passed down using division by two. As in, one parent is 100 percent Native, the other is not, so then 50 percent. The next generation divides again and thus 25 percent. Using that logic, she should have already known that someone, grandfather or grandmother, was a fullblood Skin. I do think that maybe she is Skin based upon the more compelling visual evidence (i.e. the skinny legs and larger upper body that suggests she is what we Indins call a deer woman). And, like a buffalo babe, that’s not always a positive thing.
Festivus. If you’re a Seinfeld watcher, which I was and am, you’ll remember Festivus. On the show, this was a holiday invented by George Costanza’s father to avoid the commercialization of Christmas and was celebrated on Dec. 23. “Festivus for the Rest of Us”. I believe that Festivus must mean a lot to Donald Trump because of the traditions which include: The Airing of the Grievances, Feats of Strength and Festivus Miracles. Trump airs his grievances on Twitter daily. And, there’s never a normal handshake, there’s always some stupid “deathgrip” event so, Feats of Strength. And, his accomplishments such as the size of his inauguration crowd, the number of fraudulent voters that cost him the popular vote, his grand speech on foreign soil, the denial of Russian election assistance, size of his hands, all can be considered Festivus Miracles. And, finally, there’s the plain unadorned Festivus pole. Without the makeup and expensive garb, it could be Melania. Just my opinions folks, if you don’t agree you desperately need psychiatric help. Or glasses.
If you want a good joke, Google these words, Kneesles and Tolio. If you have a sense of humor like mine this a hilarious joke, if not, oh well, too bad. See ya on the flip side.
Ledford is an EBCI tribal member currently living in Albuquerque, NM.
