By SHANNON WHITE
Alderson, Wyo.
I wrote this poem after reading the testimony of the guy who turned me on to my ruin, what got me 21 years of my life locked up. I can blame only myself. I hope people learn from my mistakes and know there is hope out there.
I’m grateful I got sat down when I did because I would have been the next one gone.
There is no one to blame for an addict’s actions. It’s our burden to carry and know that we don’t mean to hurt our loved ones, but our addiction is powerful and so real that we only think about ourselves.
I pray that when people read this and hear my story, they see that it is not worth it. And what happened to me can happen to anyone.
One pill, one shot, and it could take someone’s life, and it’s really not worth the time and heartache. I pray for everyone who is fighting the fight against addiction.
The Addict in Me
People judge, yet they don’t know who I am.
They wonder why I am the way I am.
They think I don’t care and do not have a heart.
They don’t see the pain inside of me and what I feel daily.
I wonder if they see the hacks and the scars,
and think she’s just another junkie addict, or
Do they see someone that needs help?
What do they see?
I know when I look at myself, I see a woman who is looking to kill the pain.
I see the person who is wondering where they can get their next fix.
Who has what I want? Who will come through?
I have my fix now…my ruin, my heartache.
It’s the bite, the prick of the sun and its heaven.
It’s the free-falling, the nodding, the wonderful feeling, the release.
I come back down; I’m no longer flying high,
So, I look for it again and again. I don’t think of what it could do to me.
I don’t think, “This could be my last one.”
That I could die and never see my loved ones again.
Who is to blame?
It is mine. The addict’s fault.
I’m the one who chose to do that next shot,
Chasing that high, the awesome feeling.
It is my choice; no one puts it in my hand.
No one put a gun to my head and said, “Do this.”
I am the one to blame. I chose to do this to myself.
No one is to blame but the addict in me.
White is a member of the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians.
