By BROOKE BARRETT, LCMHC
Q: I have been recently diagnosed with a mental health disorder, my family doesn’t know yet. How do I approach discussing it with them as well as dealing with the stigma that comes with a Mental health diagnosis?
Answer: First, let’s acknowledge the courage it takes to receive a diagnosis and even consider sharing it with your family. That’s a big step, and it’s normal to feel a mix of relief, fear, and uncertainty. You have valued your health enough to take action and seek professional help and that deserves being honored.
Expectations are resentments under construction
I often joke with clients that therapy is for people who need more support navigating people in their life who will NOT go to therapy! All jokes aside, expectations are resentments under construction. When thinking about telling family members about a diagnosis, many people carry unspoken expectations. You might imagine support, relief, or finally being understood. But the reality is often more complicated. Families may respond with compassion, curiosity, confusion, or even dismissal. Preparing yourself for both possibilities can protect your sense of self and help you approach the conversation with more clarity of what you want/need moving forward. Our expectations can set us up for failure which is why it’s important to be aware of them.
Questions to ask yourself before sharing
- Why do I want to share this right now? For support? To be transparent? To reduce secrecy?
- What am I hoping my family will do with this information? Listen, offer encouragement, respect boundaries? (This one helps to see if you are expecting your relative to show up as someone they are not currently. If your family has never respected boundaries, expecting them to magically begin now might be an unrealistic expectation)
- Do I expect them to respond a certain way? If so, what will I do if they don’t?
- Would it help me to practice with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group first?
Sometimes, we hope family will give us what we’ve long needed: validation, safety, and care. And if they can’t, the disappointment can sting more than staying quiet. Knowing your expectations ahead of time allows you to enter the conversation more grounded.
Reasons for sharing
There are many valid reasons to tell your family:
- You want to reduce shame and secrecy
- You need their support during treatment
- You want to deepen honesty in your relationships
Reasons for waiting
- Your safety or well-being might be compromised by disclosure
- You don’t feel ready to answer questions about your treatment or diagnosis
- You’re still coming to terms with it yourself
Navigating stigma and misunderstanding
Even if stigma surfaces, remember that it doesn’t diminish your progress. Family members may need time to catch up. It can help to frame your diagnosis in terms of your growth: “This helps me understand myself better and gives me tools for healing.”
Reality check
The truth is, sharing a diagnosis is not a single moment, it’s often a process. If your family isn’t supportive, please know that their response is not a reflection of your worth or the legitimacy of your experience. Sometimes loved ones need time, education, or their own healing before they can show up in the way we hope. In the meantime, it’s okay to lean on friends, professionals, or community who can provide the understanding and support you deserve. Reactions may shift over time as your family sees your commitment to care and stability. Your job is not to convince them; it’s to take care of yourself while allowing them the space to learn and support.
Have a mental health or relationship question? Submit anonymously to Ask a Therapist at asktherapistbrooke@gmail.com. Your question might help others too.
* This column is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are in crisis, please reach out to a licensed mental health provider or dial 911
