By ROBERT JUMPER
Tutiyi (Snowbird)
“Getting old ain’t for sissies.” This is a statement that you will hear frequently among the older generation, and it refers to many of the challenges of getting older. As we age, things change for us inside and out. Physically, our bones, muscles, and internal organs begin to wear and deteriorate. It starts happening sooner than most of us think (or want to think).
WebMD says, “It’s natural to lose about 10 percent to 15 percent of your muscle mass and strength over your lifetime. This steady decline starts around age 30 and speeds up after you hit 60.”
From personal experience and observation, maintaining and growing muscle and strength is an uphill battle as we age, the only thing that we easily seem to grow in later years is fat (and maybe wrinkly skin).
The team at the National Institute on Aging (nia.nih.gov) says, “The biological aging process isn’t steady and appears to accelerate periodically-with the greatest bursts coming, on average, around ages 34, 60, and 78.”
I just thought I would give you all some benchmarks to look forward to. I don’t want to hoard all the inspiring information for myself.
To add to the merriment, the Population Reference Bureau (prb.org) gives the joyful statistic, “On average, people in the United States are happiest and most satisfied with their lives when they’re young, experience a decline in both metrics in their 40s (often called a mid-life crisis), and then rebound in their 60s.”
I am still waiting for my rebound at nearly four years into the 60s.
Time catches up with us all. Whether we can delay it with medicine, fitness regimens, facelifts, tummy tucks, or herb plasters on our bodies, eventually we will deal with the effects of aging. Any number of maladies can advance us to a place where we are physically and mentally challenged to continue the life quality that we are accustomed to. We start to slow down. And the slow-down process, for the most part, does not compute with you and me. I have heard it said, and I say it myself at times, that we feel like teenagers trapped inside an old body.
There is an old joke that floats around social media that says, “I get up every morning, look in the mirror, and wonder where that old guy who is staring back at me came from.” Yet another goes, “I went to my class reunion and could not believe the number of old people in my graduating class.”
And because our minds are trapped in those aging vessels, it can sometimes be difficult to determine when it is time to consider changes in our way of life to accommodate our well-being and the well-being of those around us.
“The number of Americans over the age of 65 is projected to more than double in the next forty years, increasing from 40.2 million in 2010 to 88.5 million in 2050. It will become increasingly important to understand the cognitive changes that accompany aging, both normal and pathologic. Although dementia and mild cognitive impairment are both common, even those who do not experience these conditions may experience subtle cognitive changes associated with aging. These normal cognitive changes are important to understand because, first, they can affect an older adult’s day-to-day function and, second, they can help us distinguish normal from disease states.” (National Library of Medicine).
Aging and declining health are tough to deal with on an individual level. Things and functions that have been routine for decades, now have to be evaluated and measured if we are going to maintain our quality of life. When do we stop driving because our skills and faculties have diminished to the point that we may injure ourselves or someone else? When do we build a ramp to enter our homes because our balance is not what it used to be and a fall from a set of steps might mean a trip to the emergency room and joint surgery? When do we move into an apartment because the living space we have built and loved over the years is just too much for us to physically do cleaning and upkeep? When do we seek assisted living because we can no longer do some of the basic functions needed in daily life?
The truth is many of us will struggle along for as long as we possibly can before making any of these decisions. And many times, it takes a catastrophic episode to push us into making that decision. A moment of distraction or disorientation on a busy highway that causes an accident makes us, hopefully, understand the time has come to give up driving. A tumble down the steps lands us in surgery for a hip replacement and forces us to admit that we need a handicapped ramp. Or we sit in our homes with growing piles of “stuff” that we have accumulated and continue to accumulate because we don’t have the energy to do anything about them forcing us to consider making a residence change. And, many times, even catastrophes will not make us budge from our dangerous lifestyles because we love our freedom and independence so much.
We fail to see the impact of our actions on others when this time comes as well. I spoke with a friend recently who described the golden years of his parents. He talked about how difficult it was to watch his fiercely independent father, refuse help in the care of his mother, who had extreme cognitive and mobility issues. The father, barely able to care for himself, pushed himself to the limit addressing the mother’s needs. No need for detail here. I think we all understand the challenges of caregiving for an infirm person from day to day. The son said the father tried to take care of the mother until she passed. By that time, the father was so infirm that he had to submit to full-time nursing care. He said his father passed a short time later. My friend carries a load of guilt as he looks back on that situation with his parents, wondering if and how he should have dealt with his parents differently, even if they hated him for making decisions for them.
Whether a family member, friend, a paid or volunteer caregiver, the burden they accept in taking care of the aging and infirm is enormous. In some cases, they may be taking care of people that they once knew as vibrant, energetic, and independent. They may be loved ones whom we must watch decline, sometimes to a place where we are strangers to them in their minds. The mental burden extends into our day-to-day lives. Others may not be able to spend time with us because we are needed to care for someone else. We struggle to incorporate the duty to give care to the elderly into our lives, and our lives seem so full that we cannot spare a moment for ourselves and feel guilty when we try. We feel pressure from our wives, husbands, children, and other family members. They want a piece of our time too, but by the end of a caregiver’s day, there may not be enough day left to spare for anyone else.
The calls for help aren’t always at convenient times, sometimes coming in the dead of night. It can mean cleaning clothes and sheets, giving baths, and cleaning floors and walls. It may be making sure doses of medication get taken on time and calming a disoriented elder to reassure them that things are right and normal. Sometimes the duty of a caregiver is simply to hold a hand or give a hug to let an elder know that they are not alone in this strange and scary phase of life.
Even if you haven’t had the privilege of being a caregiver, I would encourage you to visit people and places that provide care for those who are at the stage of life where they need someone. Two reasons pop into mind. When I make trips up to Tsali Manor, the staff and volunteers who minister to our elder community give me hope for that day when I may need someone to get me through the day. The staff at places like Tsali Manor in Cherokee, Silver Bluff in Haywood County, and many others where the aged are helped to maintain a good, if not great, quality of life are blessed individuals. I watch them as they address the needs of the elder community, create activities for these individuals to be a part of, be engaged in. and encourage them to interact. And there is movement and laughter. There is joy and happiness. And most of all there is purpose and a sense of that independence that many of those elders might have thought they had lost forever.
Caregivers give gifts that might cost them a great personal price, but the results of their efforts are priceless.
